1) Does the world need another blog like this?
There is no other blog like this. Besides, I like you. Let’s spend some time together!
2) Will you provide me with useful household tips?
Unless by that you mean, “How to clean your bathroom with a baby wipe,” or “Play the fun new game, Is This Glass Clean Enough?” then no.
3) Can I visit your blog even if I’m not a slob?
Of course you can! I’m not a racist. You can even visit my actual house, if you like. But please give me a heads-up, so I can remove my dirty underpants from the bathroom floor.
4) What are you trying to tell me?
People with clean houses make me nervous. They make me feel inferior, so I tell myself they have nothing better to do with their time—that they lead sad and empty lives. Which I’m sure is not the case with you! Maybe you have a cleaning lady. Maybe you pay her a lot and treat her extremely well, so that she can send plenty of money home to her family in Costa Rica. And that’s admirable.
5) If you love animals so much, why did you only make it nine months as a vegetarian?
Are you kidding? Nine months is a long time. Have you ever been pregnant?
6) Why do you talk about your son so much?
One day, he made a tiny box out of construction paper and Scotch tape and labeled it “Passwords,” and in that box was a drawing of a chicken. We should all be half as interesting as the average kid.
7) Is there anything on your site that I can buy?
No, but if there’s someone of mine that you want, I’ll sell it to you. I have a PayPal account.
8) Where is that book you talk so often about writing?
I did write it, smartypants. I didn’t say I would publish it. Well, maybe I did, but things turned out otherwise. That’s life.
9) Do you have ADD or something?
Yes, no, maybe. What was the question again? Ooh, look, a butterfly!
10) Are these really frequently asked questions?
No, they are not.
11) Don’t you think 10 would have been a good place to stop?
I never was good at math. That’s why I’m a writer.
There is no other blog like this. Besides, I like you. Let’s spend some time together!
2) Will you provide me with useful household tips?
Unless by that you mean, “How to clean your bathroom with a baby wipe,” or “Play the fun new game, Is This Glass Clean Enough?” then no.
3) Can I visit your blog even if I’m not a slob?
Of course you can! I’m not a racist. You can even visit my actual house, if you like. But please give me a heads-up, so I can remove my dirty underpants from the bathroom floor.
4) What are you trying to tell me?
People with clean houses make me nervous. They make me feel inferior, so I tell myself they have nothing better to do with their time—that they lead sad and empty lives. Which I’m sure is not the case with you! Maybe you have a cleaning lady. Maybe you pay her a lot and treat her extremely well, so that she can send plenty of money home to her family in Costa Rica. And that’s admirable.
5) If you love animals so much, why did you only make it nine months as a vegetarian?
Are you kidding? Nine months is a long time. Have you ever been pregnant?
6) Why do you talk about your son so much?
One day, he made a tiny box out of construction paper and Scotch tape and labeled it “Passwords,” and in that box was a drawing of a chicken. We should all be half as interesting as the average kid.
7) Is there anything on your site that I can buy?
No, but if there’s someone of mine that you want, I’ll sell it to you. I have a PayPal account.
8) Where is that book you talk so often about writing?
I did write it, smartypants. I didn’t say I would publish it. Well, maybe I did, but things turned out otherwise. That’s life.
9) Do you have ADD or something?
Yes, no, maybe. What was the question again? Ooh, look, a butterfly!
10) Are these really frequently asked questions?
No, they are not.
11) Don’t you think 10 would have been a good place to stop?
I never was good at math. That’s why I’m a writer.
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